When I first saw this picture of a painting by Paul Kuczynski something about it struck me
as poignant. Here is a man who is burning the rungs of a ladder that could set
him free. Why would he self sabotage himself like that?
Because some people would rather worship the devil they know
than pray to an unknown God.
It happens in many subtle and not so subtle ways.
It is not disclosing your true feelings or thoughts in
relationship to someone else for fear of conflict, of rejection or criticism.
It’s best to pray to the devil you already know—keep it safe—than to worship
the new God—authentic self disclosure.
It is not stepping out into life to live authentically. It
is opting for marriage because it feels safe. It is opting for financial
security because it feels safe. It is worrying about what other people think of
you. It is guilt, shame, the need for
perfection, not feeling a sense of healthy entitlement. The list goes on. All
of it driven by fear.
I have heard people say that can’t conceive of themselves as
not being depressed. It just doesn’t feel familiar. It feels alien. Even though
they may say they want to feel better, they can’t make that final leap into the
unknown. It just feels like “not me.”
It brings up anxiety. What if it fails? What if I’m just
fooling myself? After all, I’ve been like this for so long.
The more severe the addiction, whether it is to food, to
work, to substances, to being a victim and so on the harder it is to let go of
that piece of identity.
Perhaps the man in the picture is saying, yes I could climb
to the top but it’s too cold. I need to feel warm now.
This refers to an inability to delay gratification. This one
has been well researched and is known as the Stanford Marshmellow experiment. The
conclusions are that those who are able to delay gratification tend to have
more successful relationships, better jobs, better outlook on life. Those who
need things “right now” have more unstable relationships, underachieve and
someone find themselves behind the curve in life.
The sad and final conclusion? He’s going to run out of rungs
to burn. At some point he will be left cold and isolated and that’s what
happens when you stay within the confines of self defeating security.
