In his book "Thinking, Fast and Slow" Daniel Kahneman argues that our brains have two primary modes of processing experience. Each mode, he calls them System 1 and System 2, comprise various neurological networks responsible for processing information unique to each system.
System 1 refers to our immediate reactions to information coming to us from the environment. System 1 activates factual and emotional memories we incorporated at some point in our past. For example, as you read this sentence, below the horizon of your conscious awareness, various neurological events are instantly taking place that have to do with letter recognition, then words and logic and putting together everything to create meaning in your mind so that you immediately understand what I am writing.
The same thing happens when you get into your car, get on a bike or do anything that requires prior learning to accomplish the task.
Interactions and relationships with others also activate System 1 and stimulate deep seated emotional memories. If I grew up in a supportive and loving environment, emotional memories tend to be more positive which lead to a higher self valuation and I am primed to have a more positive experience of relationship.
If the opposite happened and there was consistent neglect or abuse, then emotional memories tend to be more negative resulting in a lower self valuation thus priming me towards feelings of suspicion, distrust, lack of hope or anger despite whatever enthusiasm was present at the outset of the relationship.
For example, if someone gives me a compliment and I have a higher self valuation, I will tend to accept it and feel good about myself. If I have been primed towards negativity, there is a chance I will take that compliment with some caution. i.e. They're just saying that. They want something from me.
System 1 is automatic and reactive. There is not a whole you can do to stop the stream of thoughts and feelings when System 1 is activated. It will just run its course.
This works well when you are riding a bike or driving a car because we don't have time to stop and think. We need to just do. But during conflict in relationship it works against us. If one person is angry and takes it out on their partner with a sarcastic comment, the immediate reaction may be anger, prompting a need to defend by counterattacking with sarcasm, put downs or an insult. This will activate the other's System 1, again, and now a vicious cycle of attack/defend/counterattack erupts and it goes downhill from there.
When we find ourselves repeating the same emotional reactions, chances are System 1 is constantly being activated because it keeps going into history to push forth emotional memories of how to be in an emotional relationship with someone else.
Sometimes when couples fight chronically, their brains are flooded with difficult emotions from their past that they transfer onto their partner. They may recognize negative patterns and reactions and wish they didn't have them but sometimes they say they just can't help it. It is like their minds are taken over by negative emotional states. This is all assigned to System 1.
S1 is fast but has no insight or foresight to stop itself from doing what it does. This is fate in action. When history keeps showing up, that is fate. Not much will change here until System 2 comes into play. System 2 is freedom to create a different future.
System 1 refers to our immediate reactions to information coming to us from the environment. System 1 activates factual and emotional memories we incorporated at some point in our past. For example, as you read this sentence, below the horizon of your conscious awareness, various neurological events are instantly taking place that have to do with letter recognition, then words and logic and putting together everything to create meaning in your mind so that you immediately understand what I am writing.
The same thing happens when you get into your car, get on a bike or do anything that requires prior learning to accomplish the task.
Interactions and relationships with others also activate System 1 and stimulate deep seated emotional memories. If I grew up in a supportive and loving environment, emotional memories tend to be more positive which lead to a higher self valuation and I am primed to have a more positive experience of relationship.
If the opposite happened and there was consistent neglect or abuse, then emotional memories tend to be more negative resulting in a lower self valuation thus priming me towards feelings of suspicion, distrust, lack of hope or anger despite whatever enthusiasm was present at the outset of the relationship.
For example, if someone gives me a compliment and I have a higher self valuation, I will tend to accept it and feel good about myself. If I have been primed towards negativity, there is a chance I will take that compliment with some caution. i.e. They're just saying that. They want something from me.
System 1 is automatic and reactive. There is not a whole you can do to stop the stream of thoughts and feelings when System 1 is activated. It will just run its course.
This works well when you are riding a bike or driving a car because we don't have time to stop and think. We need to just do. But during conflict in relationship it works against us. If one person is angry and takes it out on their partner with a sarcastic comment, the immediate reaction may be anger, prompting a need to defend by counterattacking with sarcasm, put downs or an insult. This will activate the other's System 1, again, and now a vicious cycle of attack/defend/counterattack erupts and it goes downhill from there.
When we find ourselves repeating the same emotional reactions, chances are System 1 is constantly being activated because it keeps going into history to push forth emotional memories of how to be in an emotional relationship with someone else.
Sometimes when couples fight chronically, their brains are flooded with difficult emotions from their past that they transfer onto their partner. They may recognize negative patterns and reactions and wish they didn't have them but sometimes they say they just can't help it. It is like their minds are taken over by negative emotional states. This is all assigned to System 1.
S1 is fast but has no insight or foresight to stop itself from doing what it does. This is fate in action. When history keeps showing up, that is fate. Not much will change here until System 2 comes into play. System 2 is freedom to create a different future.
