Over the weekend I had a conversation with someone who told me about two people. Her ex-husband and her son’s girlfriend.
The ex was an only child and came from a wealthy family. He, being used to always getting what he wanted from his parents, appeared at first kind and friendly but things started to turn southward soon after the wedding. He had a million and one grand ideas of success for himself. He had money to start his projects but once the projects got off the ground, they didn’t stay off the ground. As soon as a problem surfaced of one kind or another, he dropped the ball and came up with an even better idea for the next project. And on and on this went. Slowly but surely he went through the family’s money until he had none left. Now it’s 20 years later. He’s accomplished nothing, drinks a lot and moves from address to address.
I told my friend that you married Peter Pan. Peter lives in never-never land. It’s a land of golden opportunties where everything you want gets fulfilled and you never have to grow up. This was the problem her ex faced. As soon as a problem surfaced and he had to “grow up” to deal with it, he opted for his default position and went off one some other wild goose chase.
The Peter Pan personality type is not uncommon. The recurring theme is always the same. They avoid day to day responsibilities, like to blame others when things go wrong, or blame the situation or circumstances. The problem with Peter Pan is that he lives in a fantasy world inside his head. There is not much correspondence between that fantasy and the world around him. As long as he has money to support his dream things can go fine, but once the money runs out he crashes hard because life is not the way he thinks it should be. He becomes disillusioned, discouraged and throws in the towel. Where others roll up their sleeves and try and figure out what to do, he flys away.
Peter had a partner—Tinker Bell. She is the female version of this. My friend’s son was living with a woman in her late twenties. She’s has already had two children by another man and now she had a third with my friend’s son. She has no career to speak of, no significant interests other than her looks and expects her boyfriend to take care of her. She’s quite selfish and doesn’t do much around the house.
Women of this type can sometimes be seen in the ranks of young mothers. There is something about life that frightens them. They seek relationship of any kind and once attached their strategy is to produce a baby or two who become a buffer betweem them and the “world out there.” If something happens to the relationship that forces them to be on their own, they become highly anxious and quickly seek another man to get involved with.
Peter Pan and Tinker Bell are like birds with no legs. They fly and fly and avoid landing as much as possible because it brings up too many uncomfortable emotions.
As we know, life has a way of bending us into shape to adapt to it. If you surf against the wave, the wave always wins. At best we learn quickly; at worst, we keep complaining that things aren’t the way they should be.
