From time to time people ask me the question in the title of this blog. Other typical questions are a) why did you become a therapist and/or b) how can you sit with people's emotional pain from day to day?
To answer both in one fell swoop: because I have always been an introvert and have always had a curiousity about the mind and how and why it does what it does.
Think of it this way, why does a musician become a musician? Or why does a mechanic become a mechanic?
Musicians, I think, love what they do because they have always had a knack for sounds. How sounds are created, how they are put together, how to harmonize melodies, play them and so forth. The end product, a song or symphony that others appreciate, is the goal, but, more importantly, it is the process of working with sound that is compelling.
Mechanics, I suppose, have always had a knack for lifting up the hood of the car, bending over and then figuring out why it does what it does and fixing it when it's broken. I'm sure you've met the type before, the guy with the greasy hands, wrench in his back pocket and standing in his driveway telling you about the automatic transmission he just fixed.
A therapist's material is the mind and I've always been fascinated by it. What we see in the external world from simple behaviors at home to the behaviors of nations in the world, it all starts with something that happened deep inside. My work is to understand internal motivations that result in various emotional states, whether they be sadness, grief, anger, happiness, joy, or the ability to give and receive love and so on.
I do not know how many clients I have seen in 16 years of practice but to this day, it does not matter how familiar the presenting problem is--depression, anxiety, fear, unhappy relationships--I am always interested in how people are organized internally. This affects how they perceive and react to life the way they do.
Moreover, I see something positive wanting to come to light. It is as if, despite the rigidity people have in various areas of their lives, some shoot of grass is trying to push upwards into the sun. I have great compassion for this process because it is the way of life. Everywhere you look in nature, new growth wants to express itself. It is a natural process that cannot be stopped.
But it can be slowed down. Our earliest influences in life, our families, school, friends, social expectations, genetics, life events, all these things leave their "I have been here" traces in us and influence who we become, for better or worse.
When it's for worse people come to see someone like me and we begin a journey inward to understand why life has stopped or slowed down in various areas. What we arrive at, hopefully, is the recognition of an emotional and intellectual road map that was used to navigate through life. That road map is not fixed in stone, thank God, and the ability to create a new map or modify the old one is possible so that that blade of grass can continue to grow and become bigger.
In a sense I am a psychological mid-wife. I look at a process that is trying to give birth to something positive inside and my work is to remove, ameliorate, or decrease the influences, whatever they may be, that prevent love, meaning or creativity from expressing themselves to greater degrees.
I believe it is our birthright to experience the giving and receiving of sufficient love and to live in a meaningful way that expresses our innate talents and desires. My work is to help make that happen as much as I can.
