Gollum and Donald Trump

There’s a line from Michael Wolfs “Fire and Fury” that goes “Bannon described Trump as a simple machine. The On switch was full of flattery, the Off switch full of calumny. The flattery was dripping, slavish, cast in ultimate superlatives, and entirely disconnected from reality: so-and-so was the best, the most incredible, the ne plus ultra, the eternal. The calumny was angry, bitter, resentful, ever a casting out and closing of the iron door."

That line is a kind of whittled down summary of what supposedly makes Mr. Trump tick. According to Mr. Bannon. That book is, of course, not without its controversy as you can currently see in the media. But if we put aside the debate between fact and fiction and look at that line as symbolic of an internal psychological reality that says something about the grandiose narcissist we can learn something about how much he makes himself a prisoner of his own illusions.

Narcissism in its most simplified definition is our sense “me.” We all have a sense of me, of what we like and don’t like, our talents and shortcomings and so forth. Healthy narcissism also allow us the ability to empathize and sense what others may be experiencing in addition to being able to temporarily set aside our values and consider multiple points of views from others. 

And then there’s “pathological narcissism,”  a term you’ll come across in the literature of psychiatry and psychotherapy and refers to an inflated sense of “me.” We encounter the features of inflated narcissism in our everyday lives when we reflect on people we work with or with whom we are in love and find ourselves thinking, “why is it always about him;” “why does she need to be so controlling;” “he thinks he’s more talented than he actually is;” “why does she always put her friends down and puffs herself up?”

In pathological narcissism there is an inflated self importance, an overvaluing of one’s own success and talents (I’m really, really smart), a need for admiration from others (it was the biggest inauguration crowd ever),  entitlement to get what I want whenever I want it and  displaying egotistical and/or conceited behaviors, among others. 

In this situation narcissism has become grandiose and “self centered” behaviors have becomes a 24/7 reality.  Why this occurs is anyone’s guess. You won’t find a gene that predisposes anyone towards this, or at least not now. Family environment can be a major contributing factor but not all children raised to think of themselves as being more special than anyone else act like that as adults. Some do. Some don’t.

Bannon’s observation (or to put it more precisely, Mr. Wolf’s recollection of what Bannon told him) points to two polarities that typically spin the grandiose narcissist’s personality. On one hand is excessive self glorification and a need for flattery and applause from others for one’s specialness and unique talents and looks. If this person has plenty of money (and not all grandiose narcissists are economically privileged) he will also put on all the trappings of privilege: luxury, wearing the finest clothes, living in upscale neighborhoods, owning fancy cars, having fame and wealth and a trophy wife, socializing with the rich and famous, anything and everything that separates him from and lifts him above the rabble is all good. The main effect is to affirm the grandiose narcissist’s self valuation of being “somebody special.” 

However, this sense of self is quite brittle and despite the outward appearances of confidence and self assuredness, there is a lot insecurity and fear that the grandiose narcissist experiences deep inside. This is evidenced by how quickly the grandiose facade collapses when he is confronted with the reality that he is not who he thinks he is. This is the other polarity captured by the quote.

Anger, bitterness and resentment are trademark symptoms of what is known as narcissistic rage. Narcissistic rage is what the narcissist feels when his grandiosity is deflated. When he realizes his views are wrong, or that he is not as special or talented or smart as he thinks he is, or doesn’t get what he wants, then the dark side shows up. 

In “Nobody Knows My Name” James Baldwin wrote, “This collision between one’s image of oneself and what one actually is is always very painful and there are two things you can do about it, you can meet the collision head-on and try and become what you really are or you can retreat and try to remain what you thought you were, which is a fantasy, in which you will certainly perish.”

Baldwin speaks to a dialectic between an ideal (self image) and reality (how others see me). The two affect each other to promote psychological growth. When our partners complain about some of our habits or points of view most of us will naturally become defensive and deny or minimize what the other person is saying and avoid self reflection because it just sucks to find out you’re not as saintly as you think you are. But if there is sufficient healthy narcissism we may take feedback to heart and think about it.  Maybe there is some truth to how I come across to you? Maybe I do need to work on some skills to improve myself.

In grandiose narcissism this self reflective feedback loop is nonexistent. The grandiose narcissist does not question his idealized self because he feels he “is” the ideal. I am specialness itself.  At this point grandiosity is now on autopilot and in a sense it has hijacked his mind. It becomes a kind overlay on the personality that deprives him of his natural resources and instincts for empathy, flexibility or authenticity. The sole motivation now is to uphold the facade of specialness at all costs.

Because the psyche does not like ambivalence the grandiose narcissist now has to resolve the contradiction between his inflated self image and feedback from his environment and since he is fully committed to his idealized self his only resolution is to, as Baldwin put it, retreat into his fantasy. The retreat is seen when he becomes aggressive.  Belittle, put down, ridicule, make fun of the source of his pain. You attack both the message and the messenger. They don’t understand me. They’re stupid. Fake news! When you put someone down you lift yourself up. Or at least that’s the illusion that is created and now the cycle is completed only to begin anew again once new criticism arrives. 

Remember Gollum from Lord of the Rings?  His preoccupation with the Ring of Power eroded his humanity to the point he became a twisted, grotesque figure hanging out in underground caves (extremely symbolic!) and wandering the landscape in search of his “precious.” Fame and popularity is the grandiose narcissist’s “precious.” The more he is preoccupied with his precious, the more he loses his capacity for empathy and kindness (if he ever felt them towards anyone outside his family) and in their place he only knows, as Bannon putit, flattery and anger. And then, just like Gollum, he’s as good as emotionally dead.

Hypocrisy and the King

The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity. Andre Gide

The hypocrises keep piling up you can build a wall so high it could stretch to, hmm, the moon? Alpha Centauri?

He complained his predecessor spent too much time on the golf course yet he has no problem spending even more time on his own golf course. He said he will put America first and avoid foreign adventures. Then he bombs a Syrian airport. He complains of fake news and lies but spreads his own versions of "alternative facts." He complains about American companies outsourcing jobs to foreign workers. And has no problem doing the same thing with his clothing company. He thinks the former FBI director did a great job investigating Hilary. Then fires him when he becomes the object of the investigation of his possible Russian connection. He complained when Obama bowed to the Saudi king when receiving a medal. But then bows and even curtsies when it's his turn. O my this bag of examples is very very deep. And we just barely made it past the first 100 days of his reign!

Hypocrisy is of course the thing being talked about here. And it's something we know very well. We expect others to live by certain rules but when it's convenient for us we exempt ourselves from those same rules. You want others to be honest with you? How many times have you lied with your alternative facts? Of course you're smiling right now. You know exactly what I mean.

So what is it with hypocrisy that invites us to climb the ramparts and scream bloody murder? The etymology of the word has several parts to it. One is to pretend to be or have a virtue that you actually don't own. Another is to pretend to be something you are not, like being an actor on stage. And another part has to do with being able to distinguish or discriminate, like being able to see something that is different from something else.

The common element of the first two is that it is self serving. Makes sense in a way. We are always motivated by self interest. We want what we want. Even if we've done something wrong and it is pointed out to us, the first thing we do is become defensive because we're trying to uphold our sense of pride. Remaining defensive is a regressed psychological place when you do it over and over again. There is no growth. Only when we get over that feeling and use our thinking mind are we able to see that the other person may have a point we should consider.

When you look at right wing propaganda you see a lot of hypocrisy of course because it is self serving to promote a certain point of view regardless of what the facts may say. The insidious undercurrent of that strategy is the dream that others will conform to their point of view. In other words, what is being promoted is a kind of "sameness." You need to agree that I'm right. You need to comply with my demands. You need to behave in a way I deem right for you. 

The problem when this virus, and it really is a virus, infects leaders and how they govern is that we have either no growth or stunted growth that serves a select few. Significant progress comes when differences are allowed. Differences disrupt sameness. Alternative points of view demand discrimination, thinking about them, basing decisions on fact, not what your gut tells you is true.

Your partner comes home late again when you've asked him to be on time. But when you come home late you've got perfect excuses why you shouldn't be blamed. A fight erupts. He complains about your double standard. You become defensive and counterattack and it goes downhill from there. There will be no significant growth in this relationship because both are polarized. Only when you stop and think about what you're doing and do an honest inventory does anything progressive develop.

Will this attitude enter into leadership? Well apparently not now which is the exasperating thing for many people. But it seems the double standard that is typical for the individual ego is now playing itself out on the collective ego of America. We expect others to treat each other with dignity and equality yet we have no problem discriminating against those we deem as deviant, LGBTs, having the wrong gender, the wrong skin color, the wrong race. Even if you identify yourself as being on the progressive left, do you discriminate against those on the right? Do you feel justified in your judgments?